Hello and cordial greetings to all, This is a question which has perturbed and puzzled me greatly since childhood: Do some Christians have personal spiritual contact with Jesus, and others not? Although I have tried and tried, and tried more, I cannot personally claim to be a Christian. While I thoroughly believe the Bible account, and authentically revere Jesus Christ as the Son of God and the only divinely appointed savior of mankind, my personal spiritual experience throughout life has consistently been that I am unable to spiritually "locate" or contact any such person, despite the fact that both God the Father and the Holy Spirit are very close and readily accessible to me in prayer or spiritual meditation. In my personal experience, there is no one mediating between myself and God the Father, and no mediator necessary. In fact, attempting to introduce a mediator by "conjuring" an imaginary Jesus based on the Bible account rather [i]separates[/i] me from my natural fellowship with God the Father and the Holy Spirit, and creates terrific internal turmoil and confusion. Some Christians I have known claim to have an ongoing, close personal relationship with Jesus Christ through prayer, saying that He is very near to them, and present and accessible always. Other Christians I have spoken with, even some church pastors having extensive Bible knowledge and credentials, claim no such relationship, but simply "believe". Although I personally [i]believe[/i], this has so far done me no practical good in either spiritual or worldly life, but has rather been the root of much suffering and distress over this question of Jesus' spiritual identity. The heart of the matter is that I find I am unable to trust a spiritual savior who I am unable to know, and who separates me from God. Therefore even believing, I feel that I cannot possibly be a Christian, since the introduction of Jesus is antithetical to my natural spiritual communion with God the Father and the Holy Spirit. Any and all light that anyone can shed on this conundrum would be much appreciated. Please however refrain from accusing me of heresy or possession. This is a sincere inquiry. Blessings to all, Savin