The Highway Forums General Discussion Open Forum Househusbands

I realize that circumstances may require a man to stay home and make a home environment, to include raising the kids (e.g., he gets hurt on job and can't really work outside the home, the wife dies, etc)...but is it acceptable for a christian church to consider 'househusbands' a viable and normative role for the husband? is it all just 'cultural'?

Hi Laz

Haven't seen you post for a while <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This really doesn't answer your question, but I have heard of families where the wife is the primary wage earner. Mainly because the wife has more potential to earn more and they want one of them to be with the kids, especially during their younger years.
I am not saying that I agree with this practice (to be honest, I am not sure what to think), but I certainly understand their reasoning.

Tom

From experience I say:

a.) A real man does what it takes to take care of his family--even if it involves lots of diapers, learning to cook--[sarcasm]you know, wimmin's work.[/sarcasm]

b.) If said man isn't interested in the possibility and he's not a doctor or a lawyer or something like that he shouldn't marry one.

That said some men just end up that way. See (a). For me it was part of the package. See (b). I knew it was a possibility and married her anyway. Personally I have been blessed beyond measure by being with my three going on four kids all day (and night!) and seeing the things that in a normal arrangement the housewife would go through. You just think you've got a tough job until you walk into the kids room after naptime and a toddler hands you a now empty diaper that was full of you know what. *shudder

Wouldn't trade it and I'm going on four years now.

I am a stay at home dad as well. I work part time at Lifeway Christian Books at night, but my wife's income supports us.

Our situation developed because neither of us were Christians when we met and married. It wasn’t until several years later after our marriage that we started to take our faith seriously, but by this time, our marriage had developed some firm foundations. I had quit the U.S. Navy, because I didn’t want to put the strain of constantly being gone on my family. After that, I had worked odd jobs to be able to stay at home during the day to take care of my daughter. My wife grew up in a home where it was expected that the girls would grow up, go to collage and enter the job field. So that is exactly what she did. She started to work for the family business when she was around 20 and she still does. She basically runs the business now while her parents are unofficially retired.

The point is that I believe that the bible, especially in Titus, lays out a good example of what God has intended for the home. I believe that it’s natural and biblical for the man to grow up with the expectation of being the head of the household, and or being patriarchal and the supporter. I also believe that it is natural and biblical for the women to grow up being taught by older women, especially her mom and grandmother, to view a biblical role of women as good. So I do embrace biblical roles for men and women, fathers and wives.

But, I do not believe a church should have the authority to enforce church discipline in this area, because our culture is very feminist. I work at Lifeway and I talk with godly young women who’s fathers are preachers and even they are focused on going to collage an finding a career. These are preacher’s daughters mind you. I have talked with many young women in their late teens and early twenties and I very rarely if at all hear that their plans are to find a good man, get married and become a good housewife and mother or home keeper. I don’t think that I have ever heard that as a matter of fact. This is in the church mind you. This is the mentality and common understanding that Christian girls are being taught and raised by, that they should go to collage and start a career and consider marriage as a second goal.

But I have had several discussions with my wife about this and we both agree that we are going to raise our daughters with the biblical understanding of marriage and the role of women. We want our daughters to have expectations of finding a good godly man and to be a good wife to them. We want our daughters to understand that God has intended for women to support and encourage their husbands and that marriage is a wonderful Christian union and is ordained by God. We want our daughters to understand that one of the best ways that they can serve God is to be a godly wife and mother and to view their marriage and family as their primary ministry. We want them to understand that they can bring God much glory by submitting to a godly husband’s rightful authority and to consider the role of a housewife as a very important and fulfilling responsibility.

Don’t misunderstand me, I still want my daughters to go to collage (God willing a good reformed seminary) I still want them to continue to grow in knowledge and to pursue being the best they can be at a certain school of thought. But I also would like them to be mindful that their primary concern should be to find a godly man and start a family if they are so willing. I say “if they are so willing” because I also believe that there are people who just naturally don’t have a desire to marry. They are fine with serving the Lord unmarried. I wouldn’t see anything wrong with the fact that if I had a daughter who wasn’t interested in having relations with a man and pursued a career and faithfully served Christ.


But, we live in a secular, post modern culture. Many people are being raised without these kind of biblical principles in the church. Both my wife and I grew up with non-Christian parents and so we didn’t start to change and learn our biblical understanding of marriage until just recently. This was a main reason why we moved from the PCUSA to the PCA. We have changed a lot in our thinking and we are concerned about our children’s development because of our home situation. We have talked to the elders of the church and everyone has been very supportive of our position. We also have good Christian neighbors who are very supportive of my stay at home dad role. It’s a situation where we are trying to do the best we can do to discern God’s will for our lives. So far it just hasn’t seemed logical for us to completely turn our lives upside down, so I can find a full time job and my wife can stay at home. My wife is very good at managing the business and she likes doing it and is very successful. She also loves working for her dad and her brother. As far as being a keeper of the home, she is still the main home keeper. Even though I do most if not all of the household chores, she’s still very focused on what’s happening with the home and family. I as the husband and father am still the head of my house especially when it comes to our faith. I have always been the leader in that department and that will not change.

When it comes to cultural mandates from the bible, I tend to stick with my belief that the bible should be dictating the culture and not the culture dictating the bible in how we should lead our lives to obey and bring God glory. So I tend to be conservative in discussions of how certain versus no longer apply to us because they were meant for that apostolic culture. But because times have changed that we can just disregard those antiquated ideas. I say wrong, I say the bible is transcending and that it’s authority should demand for us to constantly be reforming how we think and live. So that is why, I will try very hard to raise my children in a Christ centered home where the “whole counsel of God” is taught and accepted as good and true.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Dave.

I would want my daughter to have the capability to support her family if her husband becomes disabled or dies or whatever. Without a college degree she'd end up flipping hamburgers for minimum wage and have to work many more hours to support a sick husband and kids than she would if she worked in accounting or in a lawyer's office, or newspaper or something making much more money, and enabling her to spend more time at home.

This preacher intends to send his daughter to college - but with her primary goal to be a "full time" wife and raise godly children at home. I agree with those who say that is the ideal situation for a woman because God has uniquely equipped women for that very calling. Yet according to Proverbs 31, a godly woman has business savvy, manages her household's finances, etc. I think college equips young women for that (a good conservative Christian college of course). The education she gets there should equip her to temporarily bring home the bacon in case her husband cannot.

-Robin

I'd hope all my kids would want to go to college. I agree with Robin that the girls have to be prepared. It'd be nice if we could be sure that there's a nice (in my case) five year old boy out there who's being raised right and Godly and getting himself ready to court and marry my daughter(s) properly. In fact we're praying for just such a thing to happen but reality intrudes and you have to be prepared for the fact that there just aren't that many families out there that give a rip about Jesus or his gospel or even church at all. Such are the times in which we live.