"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given unto him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind." James 1:5,6 NKJV

I believe you have asked a question only God can answer. If you decide to ask of Him and you receive an answer, please share His answer with the rest of us.