EFG,

Once again I must give thanks for your response. You're right my heart, although deceiving at times, desires to be rooted in the truth and love of our Savior. Just this evening as I was walking home from work I prayed, Lord please be glorified in my life and establish my heart in your truth."

It is interesting, however, how my doubts morph into much such things as lack of assurance which is something I intended to bring up on the board tonight. The verse that you quoted, Phillipians 2:12 is one I've been pondering lately. I keep thinking that if I'm having these doubts is my faith truly genuine. I think more than losing genuine faith, if that's possible, I'm concerned with being one who cries Lord, Lord and then having Christ say "I never knew you," the thought of that eats at the core of my heart. I then think back to the day of my salvation and my way of life afterwards and I think "I know the Lord drew me and even though I've failed many times my heart's desire is to follow Him. And so with that I think there are many who are "good" people, people who desire to be good and even those who claim to have a desire to follow Christ, so what separates me from them. Could I be deceiving myself? Could my salvation not be real? And so these are the questions that spring up from my doubts and they trouble me deeply.

All in all I don't want this struggle any longer and my desire is to live a life that is glorifying to God and not the type of glory that vessels of dishonor give but rather I want to be a vessel of honor that glorifies God and one that is truly and completely His. So how do I strive to do that? And is striving the right terminology to use when I do believe that our salvation is not of our own striving but by the grace of God. How I desire to rest in that fact alone...I appreciate all of your continued prayers and encouragement. Thanks

tj
"-that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection..."