Anna

I will be praying for you.
As I read what you had to say, I couldn't help but think that perhaps the book 'Spiritual Depression' by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones might help you.
I have yet to read it myself, but I think it was Pilgrim who has highly recommended it in the past.
Perhaps he might want to comment on whether or not he would recommend it or not and give you a little back ground on the book.

Pilgrim, I hope my last comment was not being presumptuous.

Tom