Julie,

First, welcome! I pray that you will find wonderful fellowship here, as I have, and that God would guide you and your family as you seek your Reformed roots.

If I heard a pastor say what you've described, it would disturb me as it did you. It sounds like the old Arminian argument that totally denies the fact that Jesus was the Lamb slain for sinners before the foundations of the world.

I ran across this article entitled Christ's Predetermined Death:

http://www.the-highway.com/predetermined_Harbach.html

True godliness is a sincere feeling which loves God as Father as much as it fears and reverences Him as Lord, embraces His righteousness, and dreads offending Him worse than death~ Calvin