Friends, I have a situation I don't know how to deal with!

Last year my wife was asked to serve as a deacon (at our PCUSA church) and she declined to do the job after talking with me about it. She didn't tell the church the reason she declined was because I was opposed to it; she told them she didn't have time (she'd just started a new job and had a good bit of evening work).

I knew the situation would happen again this year, and I asked her this morning what was she going to say when asked. Her response: "That's between me and God!" End of conversation. I knew something was up.

Lo, this morning she was indeed approached about whether she would serve as an elder or deacon if asked. She said she'd serve as a deacon if elected. She later told me in the car on the way home that she wanted a way to have something to do for the church and she felt ready to handle the responsibilities.

I reminded her: that there had been a call for someone to teach the children's Sunday School class over a year ago and she didn't do it (even though she loves teaching children!);

that she has been to only two women's circle meetings in the last two years and asked if that says anything to her about her interest in the people of the church;

that she refuses to set aside Wednesday night as a time she won't work so she can fulfill the commitment she already made to being in the choir (she now has full control over her night schedule);

that I am opposed to her serving in this capacity, that I don't believe in it.

I did *not* remind her I'm the head of the household nor forbid her to do it. I don't like having that sort of trump card in relationship situations, but I'm leaning toward using it now.

My feelings are hurt because she didn't discuss her decision with me beforehand. I think it's a decision we both should make. But I know she didn't talk to me about it because she wants to do it and she already knows how I feel- she simply avoided any opportunity for disagreement from me (temporarily).

**More importantly,** I don't think the church should elect her to a position I am opposed to her holding. What are the things I should try to *calmly* say to my wife? to my church, if anything? And what do I do if either one ignores me altogether?!!!

Also, is there a good article or resource here/elsewhere that would help us?
Many gracious thanks!
Cecil