The Highway Forums General Discussion Open Forum Odd situation...

but there's gotta be SOME Biblical principle for it!

This conversation happened this morning as I waited for the bus to work. There's a man in my condo complex that has been divorced and is now remarried. He does claim to be a Christian, although he says his prayer/Bible reading is not as good as he desires, and he wants to go to church, but his new wife won't let him. He desires to get divorced from his current wife because he says it would be better for his spiritual and mental well-being. There is a chance we would visit my church.

Here's what he said happened, and I'm not sure if I buy all this or not. Awhile ago (I think 10 years or so ago), he was married to a wonderful wife and had a wonderful son. However, he got cancer, and he says the chemo messed his mind up. During that time, he started neglecting his marriage, divorced his wife, and remarried. When he got off the chemo and the cancer was cured, he said, he regained his memory and mind back, and realized he was in an awful predicament. He still is "friends" with his former wife, who wants him to get a divorce and come back to her. His current wife is not a believer, and her cussing and callousness disturb him greatly. He says she doesn't open up to him because she used to be married to an abusive man. He gets depressed and basically works and comes home to a wife who doesn't want to do anything with him. He says he does not love his current wife, and yet he does not feel he can go back to his former wife because he has convinced himself that it would not work out and that he doesn't love her like before.

Here is what concerns me:

First, I'm not certain chemo can mess one's mind up so much that it causes one to divorce the one he truly loves, and then marry someone who has values vastly different than his own.

Second, I cannot overlook the fact that I am a young single woman, and he is a man who has divorced and feels like he cannot stay with his current wife nor go back to his former wife. He says he wants to have "friends," but his wife won't let him. I made it clear that I did not want any sort of relationship other than friendship, and he said that being friends was good. I'm stil a little uneasy about it.

Third, I'm not certain whether he is a true or false professor of faith. He says he has a desire for knowing God more deeply and rejoining a church, but, after hearing a testimony by one of my elders last night about his own father, looks can be deceiving. Basically, his father teaches a Sunday-School class for married couples and yet is unwilling to make a public confession of a grave sin in his own marriage. And, if he were a Christian, then how could he get so messed up by chemo, enough to divorce a fine Christian woman and then marry a non-Christian?

Fourth, I wonder at his unwillingness to go back to his former wife. It looks like his current wife would like to divorce him too, so that might fit into the Christian/non-Christian divorce scenario. But would it not be prpoper for him to return to his former wife? He said that she would gladly have him back.

Advice, admonitions, and prayers needed.

Hey, I normally do not say much, but to me (45 Married Male) its seems that is he truely wants friends, then give him a name and number (after getting permission) to a man in your church. Then say something along these lines "we have no business being friends it would not be proper." (If he wants to discuss the why) say "call the name and number" that you give him.

Hope this does not sound to cold, but it sounds like he is looking for female attention.

Good advice.

I wouldn't cut him off completely, but would definite set some firm boundaries. Pass on the discipleship and counselling to a male in your church.

I don't see that listed in the side effects of chemotherapy. Here's a list of the side effects one might expect.

These include:

Hair loss
Dry mouth
Mouth sores
Difficulty swallowing (esophagitis)
Nausea
Vomiting
Diarrhea
Fatigue
Bleeding
Susceptibility to infection

Less common problems include damage to your heart, liver, lungs, kidneys or nerves. What side effects, if any, you may experience depends on the specific drugs used.

Your doctor makes every effort to minimize side effects, for example, by giving you medications to help block nausea or build up your blood counts, but some effects are likely to occur. In general, the effects of chemotherapy are temporary, and there are ways to reduce them.


WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!

This may have been the same line he used to get his second wife. I'd recommend you keep a safe distance from him. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/flee.gif" alt="" />


If he's a true believer he wouldn't let his wife keep him back from church attendance. He probably has a lot of regrets for his past choices but in my opinion it sounds like he's looking for your empathy and friendship not your church address.


I agree with Robert and John's advice. Refer him to your elder or pastor rather than developing a close friendship. I suspect he'll leave you alone if you get a man involved from your church. Then if he's serious about developing his Bible reading and prayer life he can get encouragement from them. As far as the Bible's view on going back to the first wife it's not an option. Deuteronomy 24:4 and Jeremiah 3:1 tell us the spouse must not take them back again.



Wes

Thank you very much, Wes, Robert, and John!

After thinking about this, I see my foolishness in not being as cautious as I should have. I won't let the wool be pulled over THIS little sheep's eyes! I called one of my elders (his name is Jeff), who also leads the care group I am in. Both Jeff and his wife know the situation, and I have his cell-phone number to give to the man in my condo (Jerry).

Jerry's number appears to be unlisted, but I know his condo number. I was recommended to call Jerry instead of physically going to his door, but I do not have his phone number. I'm friends with his next door neighbor, so I will call her to see if she knows the number.

I can't do it tonight because it is too late. Tomorrow I don't know if I will have much time, nor Wednesday. And yet I really don't want to wait until Thursday!!!!!

Thanks again.

Oh, I'd read the Deuteronomy and Jeremiah verses, but I wasn't certain if it just applied to a wife who had remarried.