The Highway Forums General Discussion Open Forum Personal boundaries

I wonder if you all could give me some input here. I am wondering about the idea of "personal boundaries" or even just "boundaries." Is it even scriptural? Is there some spiritual principle that we can look at that tells us that we are entitled to personal boundaries? (I don't mean in the sexual sense. That is overwhelmingly clear in scripture.)

That's it.. thanks <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Michele

In what sense do you mean personal boundaries? i.e. boundaries for what?

Hi Michele,

There was a very popular book out several years ago called Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Are you thinking about the principles that were laid out in that book? I'll admit that I can be contrary about reading books that people tell me I "MUST" read and I didn't read that one.

HOwever, what I saw happening in the people who were urging me to read it, did not commend it to me. I saw them setting "boundaries" that ended up shielding them from ministry and service, both in the church and in their relationships with friends and family. Again, I didn't read the book so I can't characterize it, but there was a period of time in the church that I attended at the time this was all the rage when we could hardly get help for the various ministries of the church because of "boundaries."

2 Timothy 2:24-26
"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will."

To be right with God has often meant to be in trouble with men....

- A. W. Tozer (1897-1963)

Mark 12:32-34 (King James Version)
And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question.

Luke 10:27(New American Standard Bible)
And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."

I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth. John 17:14-19 (New King James Version)


Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

Boundaries
When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend



I have gone through "Boundaries of Marriage". I have to say that I did enjoy it. But I'm sure that there are more biblical centered teachings that would be better then this.

I think that the "Boundaries" concept is a good one though. It brings attention to the fact that there are limits to peoples behavior and actions.

I believe that our knowlege of what "Love" is biblically is really what all this is about. I found a really good article for further reading. http://www.puritansermons.com/baxter/baxter22.htm

Y.B.I.C,

Dave.

Hi Dave,

Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but what does the first part of your post have to do with the second?

Thanks,
Kim

Hmmm..... actually I'm not sure. <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/shrug.gif" alt="" /> lol. sorry.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I believe there are certain limits to peoples behavior. I believe we set limits for ourselves and we need to be able to identify when we cross those limits or when others cross theirs toward us.

There have been times when I've pulled back from people when they continue to disregard the way they treat me. I realize that sin is the culprit and I'm a very forgiving and understanding person. I consider myself slow to anger and very easy to get along with. But I also have limits. Especially when people are acting very wicked.

So after a time, if a person continues to disregard my feelings, when they continue to not demonstrate loving kindness, when they continue to be manipulative, domineering, uncaring, insensitive, selfish, greedy, self-centered etc.... when they continue to hurt me and step on me for their own personal gain, I tend to draw a line.

Often times though it isn't easy for me. Because it always results in confrontation and conflict. All the while I'm defending myself I'm wondering and praying if it's just me... If it's a pride issue, If I just need to forgive and be humble and so on.... but on the other hand.... I'm a Texan and I grew up on the rough side of the cactus so.... <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/bif.gif" alt="" /> I have a tendency to stand up for what I think is right out of love.

I believe that one of the things that I try to continually do is define love and what it means to be loving. A person can correct and rebuke someone out of love. A person can lovingly step away from an abusive person and a person can seek to find a more loving environment for themselves and their families.

Dave.

Dave,

I hear ya, brother. There are certainly limits enjoined upon us in Scripture, e.g., when someone refuses to hear the overtures of the Gospel from us. (cf. Lk 9:5; Acts 13:51; Matt 7:6) or even generally (cf. Rom 12:18). Then there is the area of the Adiaphora (things indifferent) where we set limits according to our conscience at any given time, which is of course, subject to change as we grow in the faith.

From the example you gave I would rather say that we should avoid such malevolent people, not because they tread on our feelings, but rather because of the fact that their words and/or actions are evil and offensive, not only to our own sensitivities, and are offensive to God, but also to those who have some sense of common decency.

In His Grace,

I think that it is an unpleasant situation all around. Less so if the person is less familiar but, when it is a member of your own family, it is awful. If the offending member is your child, well, it may be hard but one can define appropriate boundaries and maintain them. But when this individual is your own spouse…

I hear ya sistah {{{hugs}}}

Michele

In regards to a man and a wife. I believe the Bible says they are as ONE in the eye of the Lord. But with today's standards I am sure everyone will say a person has a right to personal boundaries. I would think that it depends on if the boundaries are presenting a stumbling block to you fellow Christians and/or family members.