The Highway Forums General Discussion Theology Discussion Forum Forgive and Forget?

In another thread we've been discussing forgiveness and how it is looked upon by the Amish people after the recent tragedy in Lancaster County. Well, it made me think about something I've heard before. I've heard two schools of thought on forgiveness. One teaches forgiveness but don't forget, and the other promotes the idea of forgive and forget. Can we do one without the other or does it require both?

Michael Horton wrote: ”For those who believe, the church must show the (functional) forgiveness she preaches, treating them as those wiped clean. Forget the past? No. But promise not to drag it into the present! And for those who will not repent, who live stubbornly in their sins, the church must “worry them” like a child “worries” a loose tooth, refusing to give up until the issue is settled, reminding them always that God will not ignore unrepentant sin, but bind it to them like a deep tattoo on a sailor’s chest.”

Years ago when old Robert A. Cook from the Kings College was still on the radio I remember him saying that when it comes to forgiveness sometimes we like to bury the axe but still leave the handle sticking out of the ground. That way just in case we need to bring it up again we can find it. He would ask his audience, "Is that true forgiveness?" Then he would go on to say that true forgiveness should bury the axe handle and all so that it is truly forgiven and never to be brought up again.

When we forgive someone are we required to forget? Is keeping a record of wrongs a denial of true forgiveness?

Any thoughts?


Wes

What is the definition of 'forget' here? For instance, say if someone snipes behind your back in a gossipy, critcal way. You confront the person and he/she apologize and ask forgiveness. You forgive them, but later you find he/she doing the same type of sniping. Before confronting he/she again do you ignore the previous offense, and treat this as the first time.

IOW, what do you do with a person when he/she is willing to apologize and ask forgiveness for the individual offense, but do not see the need to repent (or get help) in their sinful pattern of behavior.

How do we discern if the person is genuinely sorry, or that they just got caught.

Putting the offense behind us and not bringing it up again. Not allowing it to be an ongoing obstacle in our relationship. Making a commitment to let go of the anger, hurt, and pain over this offense.


In my opinion we should always be ready to forgive (see Matt. 18:22) but if the individual continues to do what they previously confessed we should confront them and point out how meaningless their previous apology was. It's hard to put behind you what continues to happen. Their actions demonstrate an unrepentant attitude and that they cannot be trusted. In such cases it isn't a matter of remembering their former offenses so much as pointing out that they haven't truly repented of this offense. In fact it has become a habitual offensive action.


That's a really good question. It can be hard to tell unless we see a change in attitude and actions regarding the previous offense. Sometimes getting caught can be the pathway to true repentance too.


Wes